|Log: Sirius and Narcissa.
||[Nov. 7th, 2006|07:49 pm]
Because sometimes fate has some pretty shit ideas.
Characters: Sirius and Narcissa.|
Location: Some back hallway.
Summary: THE WEIRDEST AIM LOG EVER. UM, DON'T ASK.
James was at Quidditch Practice, and Remus was off in the library, and he had no idea where Peter was. Bored and lonely, Sirius decided to walk around for a bit. He couldn't explore anymore -- he knew the entire castle far better than he knew, for example, the names of all his cousins -- but there was still something meditative about walking around. The third floor main corridor was too busy, so he slipped off into a side one, hoping that nobody was there.
Blacks were not allowed to have poor grades, that was one of the rules, and if Narcissa was into anything, it was rules. So, in order to save her crashing and slowly smouldering Divination grade, she was hurrying along the third corridor for extra tutoring. Weaving her way through the extraordinarily thick crowd, she got fed up and darted into a small side hallway, one that she hoped would spit her out at the right place.
"Cousin Dearest!" Sirius said, grinning a grin as good-natured as predators can get. "Fancy meeting you here. Unwiling to mix with commoners?"
With a scowl and a raied eyebrow, she said, "Darling Cousin, turning tricks in backalley hallways? I thought you had control over your Gringotts' vault now."
"Asking impertinent questions about money? Oh, Narcissa." He leaned against the wall, crossing his legs. She had always been his favorite to annoy. Well, then again, he'd liked Andromeda, and Bellatrix would have beaten the shit out of him, so she was, by default, his favorite to annoy. "I thought Auntie would have taught you better manners than that."
Those very same manners were the ones holding her back from full out stomping his foot. "She also taught me how to defend myself with my words. Do tell why you are back here, when you should be getting to class, as I am doing?"
"I don't have class, Narcissa, not until next period," he said impatiently. "And it's none of your business what I'm doing."
"Well, it's not as if I know your schedule, thank Merlin. And I just wanted to in case I happened to be a witness to one of your famous pranks. Someone should be the responsible one of our family in this school. Goodness KNOWS you're not going to step up anytime soon."
"What family?" Sirius said coldly. This conversation wasn't turning out the way he'd planned.
"Oh pishposh. That whole 'rebel without a cause' bit is going a bit overused," she said, rolling her eyes. "And do try to stop making that noise."
"What noise?" Sirius snapped. "And I don't know what you're talking about. I don't even like James Dean." (This was, without a doubt, one of the biggest lies that Sirius had ever told.)
"That noise. Can't you HEAR it? It's.. OH. It's coming from the other end of the hallway. Can't you hear it, though? It's getting quite loud."
Sirius stared at her. "What are you--" His eyes narrowed. He heard it. "The fuck is that?"
She started looking around, almost getting a little panicked. "Are you quite sure that it isn't one of your childish pranks?" More peering behind her. "Because it's not funny."
"If it were one of my -- quoteunquote Childish Pranks, Cousin Darling, I'm pretty sure I'd have at least used a better noise." All of Sirius' attention was now fixed on the other end of the hall. "Let's go see what it is," he said, and, without waiting for an answer, strode off.
Throwing all appearance to the wind, Narcissa tiptoed right behind him, keeping a cautious hand on his back, in case she needed to run away at any moment. "Does that... Doesn't it... Doesn't it smell like pondweed?!"
"Kind of," Sirius said, to engrossed to notice the actual physical contact with a family member. He sniffed. "Yeah, it does." They were almost at the end.
Something nibbled on Narcissa's ankle and she spun around fast, knocking herself into Sirius in the process. "OH MY WORD. IT'S A RUDDY DUCK."
Sirius caught his cousin reflexively, then quickly let go of her once he remembered who she was. "A duck?" Sirius said, voice incredulous and hysterical. "I. This." Sirius had no words.
(It was, actually, a pretty cute duck, he had to admit.)
"What the.. Bloody.. How.. A duck then. And it's not one of your friend's sick little pet, is it?! It loosk almost.. over-fed."
"Oh God," Sirius said, voice going higher and higher, "oh God, it's carrying a parasol. Oh God. I want to laugh, but I think the shock's too much."
"SNAP OUT OF IT. Now is NOT the time for hysterics. Family rule: keep your cool. Now. Maybe the parasol and the tutu make it a cute little ensemble..?"
"This is disturbing," Sirius said. "This is disturbing and wrong. Do you have a leash?"
"I would have a leash, why?" A beat. "In the purse."
Sirius didn't bother to ask. Narcissa kept some pretty odd things in her purse. Leash in hand, he advanced towards the duck.
"Now, should I come at it from behind and sort of.. shoo it towards you? Or how will this work?"
Sirius laughed. He'd used to get along with Narcissa, before he knew what "Mudbloods" really were and before he actually knew what Slytherin stood for. "Sounds like a good plan," he said, readying himself. The duck looked quite alarmed.
"Good, ducky. Fear not, ducky. For we have come to save you." She carefully maneuvered herself to the other side of the duck, calming it all the while. "QUACK. QUACK! RUN LITTLE DUCKY, RUN! SHOO! SCUTTLE OVER TO SIRI-POO!"
"I am going to ignore the fact that you just called me Siri-poo," Sirius said, "and lasso the duck."
This did not go as planned.
"Well, bloody lasso it already, I can't run around this blasted hallway forever!"
Sirius tried again. This time, it got the duck around the neck. It squawked indignantly as Sirius pulled the lasso closed out of instinct. He dropped the rope and scrambled for the duck, trying to loosen the noose.
"SIRIUS. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY LAWS YOU JUST BROKE?!" She pounced on the poor animal to hold it down while her cousin loosened the lasso.
"Off the top of my head, three or four, but there might be others I'm unaware of," he quipped, almost automatically, hands working quickly to free the gasping duck.
As the duck was freed, Narcissa pulled it protectively close to her chest, standing up as she did so. She soothingly patted it's head, then thought of all the germs that were probably on it. The duck landed on the floor with an indignant quack.
Sirius stared. Then he said, "This is really weird. I'm actually mildly alarmed."
"Well.. should we set it free?"
"What, where could we possibly--" Sirius said impatiently, then stopped. A sudden grin. "Don't worry, I'll take care of it."
Narcissa knew that grin all to well. It was flashed at her many a time during their shared childhood. "Why don't I go with you then, hm? Just in case it flips out again."
"No, no, no, I don't think that's a good idea, Narcissa," Sirius said, as innocently as humanly possible. "Aren't you going to be late for class?"
"It's only extra tutoring, I can always make it up some other time. Besides, I know how few enemies you've made over the years, and with your arms full with duck, your wand hand won't be free! That's dangerous, Sirius," she said persuasively.
"Well, that's a sacrifice I'll just have to make," Sirius said as he scooped up the duck and gave it a little pat on the head. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a duck to set free."
"Sirius!" she yelled as she chased after him. "Sirius, don't hurt that duck, ok? Because that's really really not on." She took giant steps to catch up with his strides. "You hear me, Sirius??"
"Me, hurt the duck?" Sirius said, turning and raising his eyebrows. "I would never." He grinned. "Now go to class."
"Yes, Cousin Mine?"
"I cannot simply ALLOW this poor animal to suffer due to your barbaric tendencies!"
"Somehow, I find I don't really care," Sirius drawled. "Run along now."
She rounded in front of him and stopped, with one perfect eyebrow arched, arms crossed, foot tapping a hunudred miles an hour. A pregnant pause. She grabbed the duck gently from his grasp and started down the back hallway once more.
Sirius bit his lip, and rolled his eyes. He sighed and walked up to his cousin. "Excuse me," he said politely, "I couldn't help but notice that you seem to have taken my duck."
With a determined squint in her eye, she stuck her leg out which connected with the door to the main hallway. "No harm shall come to this, OR ANY, animal that you happen to find."
"Give me the fucking duck!" Sirius said, dropping all pretenses of self-restraint, hands flailing wildly. He made a lunge for it.
Thankfully, Narcissa's leg was still raised from where she had kicked the door open, and her so-called 'suave' cousin fell right across it, landing on the floor beneath her. With a victorious whoop, she lept across him and stood in the other side of the doorway, triumphant.
Sirius lifted his head and stared at nothing, deadpan. "Right," he said, "now you're really pissing me off." He got to his feet and snatched away the duck, which let out an indignant squawk. He pushed past her, knocking her out of the way a little, and strode down the hallway.
Class forgotten, Narcissa chased after him, and after a few seconds, caught up with him. She tapped his shoulder, and as he turned around, she tackled him to the floor, knocking the duck out of his hands before they both landed.
"Narcissa!" Sirius almost roared, leaping to his feet and taking out of his wand. He took a deep breath, and then said, in a voice a little calmer (but not much), "Go the fuck away." With as much dignity as he could muster, he walked over to the duck and picked it up. The duck said, "Scrwaaa?"
Little did he know, Narcissa had charmed the duck to slip out of his hands whenever he touched. The scene unfolding in front of her was quite humorous, but she figured soon he would all but lose his temper.
"Fuck!" Sirius said, as the duck fell to the ground. Breathe in, breathe out. He tried to pick it up again. And again. And again. He gave it a dark look, then muttered a charm so that the duck would follow him. Once again, he walked down the hallway, followed by a duck bobbing in midair. A passing second-year stared. Sirius said, "What?"
"Oh, stop that foul language." Foul. Fowl. She was really quite witty without even trying. She used the same following charm on her cousin, then started walking in the opposite direction, in some sort of odd parade, with Narcissa as the leader.
Sirius quickly cast the countercharm. You could tell, just from looking at him, that he was actually having difficulty restraining himself from launching forward and strangling his cousin.
Narcissa turned as she heard the thump as he landed on the floor once more. She stopped, the duck peering around his shoulder with a very ruffled expression on it's face.
Sirius smiled, more sarcastically than should be physically possible.
Narcissa stood her ground and by her principles.
"You know," Sirius said, at length, "I really don't like you." He got up, picked up the duck, and stood there.
"Promise me you won't hurt it."
"I promise I won't hurt it," Sirius said. "Can you leave now?"
"Can I trust you this time, Sirius?" she asked with a worried expression on her face.
"Oh, Jesus Christ," Sirius muttered. "I promise I won't hurt the fucking duck, Narcissa."
"Good," and her whole demeanor instantly changed. "I must be off. I'm dreadfully late for tutoring. Shall I see you later?" she asked, in the doorway leading to the back hallway.
"I don't doubt it, unfortunately," Sirius said. He stood there, waiting for her to leave.
Once she had retrieved her things (including two books and a sweater), she started walking towards the classroom, away from Sirius. After a few steps, she turned while walking and gave a little wave over her shoulder, smiling brightly.
Sirius merely raised the duck in a salute.